November 26, 2022
Feminism

Balancing Motherhood and Career

I wanted to write about what it is like being a female in early pregnancy, which might be an unpopular topic among you all, but we need the facts and figures to understand that situation. It’s hard on women when they have had some sort of miscarriage in their marriage and are stuck in this cycle all over again. 

Being pregnant has its challenges too, especially if you do not want to become a stay-at-home mom who works part-time and takes care of your child as well. There are so many things involved with parenthood, for one thing, you have to get up early just to take out the trash. Also, there are times you have to eat breakfast at 7 am, a quick shower, then back to work again. The list goes on and on. At this point, you are trying to adjust yourself from working full-time to raising a baby. But even though you try your best to keep up with everything, eventually life starts taking its toll. You feel more tired, stressed, and exhausted, and sometimes depression sets in too. One can easily see through the haze that comes along with becoming a parent.  You no longer have any control over your body and cannot change anything about it. Your body decides to rebel and start having fun in ways that are inappropriate, destructive, and against your will, but even though you don’t know exactly what is going on out of your body, you do know that it doesn’t want to live like this anymore. So, what does one do now that they have to raise a human being? How do they make sense in this world that seems completely overwhelming? When faced with these questions, most people can’t help but think that this is impossible for them, or that maybe there is something wrong with them. Because as much as one wants to believe in themselves and see beyond those doubts, there is always an evil side that makes people doubt themselves, because what is written on paper does not reflect reality. For example, you were forced into getting married when you were 19 years old, and your parents did not give consent to get tied to each other. That was the only reason you got married.   

Now, let’s look at another scenario. After graduation, you decided to apply for a job, but you did not find one that matched your skillset. As the days go by, you are still stuck with this feeling. Eventually, you finally applied for a position as an assistant director in customer service, which does not require any formal education or training. This job seemed safe and comfortable. However, the stress you felt, and the feeling of insecurity came along with your new role as an assistant director. A day or two later, you noticed that someone else had started doing the same things; for instance, she would often forget her tasks to finish them later, and this made her very unhappy. 

In addition, you also noticed that her supervisor would constantly tell you to check her emails. Despite knowing it was your turn, you would find excuses like “I am busy” or “I must complete my task”. Even after explaining why you have not completed that task, she would still ask you to go ahead and continue checking her email. This became unbearable for you, and you filed a complaint about discrimination against your supervisor. All a sudden she started calling your office every evening to complain about the lack of communication between her and you. With this scenario in mind, many people may say “Oh no! She has been complaining about me for months”. People tend to assume that she has not yet figured it out, or worse, that she loves her boss so much that she would never do this. However, she just doesn’t care enough.  

What this story may teach you is that despite not liking a person, everyone can relate to negative behavior and negative remarks being directed at you because of a misunderstanding, which could be as simple as not understanding when talking with others or failing to show up on time, which is the biggest problem we tend to ignore at our own expense. No matter how small the issue may seem, it is something that can cause deep emotional pain to people around us. We must learn to navigate through situations as they arise, and this is where parenting can play a big role. Yes, people can argue that being a parent puts fewer demands on you emotionally and psychologically than working, but research shows otherwise. Parenting requires mental exercise and strong willpower. If you are lucky enough to have the right environment, then there is nothing to worry about. 

Parents who successfully manage and deal with their children with patience and love can survive tough situations when they are unable to. Although, working mothers are less stressed than working fathers, it is important to remember that one cannot succeed in both jobs simultaneously, because one needs a different set of skills. While doing your current job, you can use the experience you have accumulated in the past to help your next child grow in the best possible way. Don’t be afraid to put the ‘work’ aside. It is not unusual for fathers to quit their jobs to spend more time with their babies. Therefore, take the necessary amount of time off work to attend to your needs and support your child as best as possible.  

Most importantly, nurture a healthy relationship with your partner. Having supportive partners who make sacrifices for you makes your road toward parenthood easier. Of course, it’s difficult for men to accept sacrifice sometimes. Still, once you gain confidence in caring for another human being, it becomes much simpler. There is a saying: “it will happen anyway”. If it happens to you, learn to accept it gracefully. Remember that there will always be bad days too, but when good ones come through, there is no turning back now. Trust yourself and take advantage of every blessing that comes your way. Just remember that nobody gets everything, because we all make mistakes and deal with failures in our lives daily and that’s okay. Believe me. Never stop believing that there is strength and hope in all of humanity and that if you give your best and focus on the positive aspects of your life, then it will pay off later. Stay hopeful, fight through, and do better. 

By : Mehreen Bano

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